Country Royalty
by piratewench78
Summary: Maddie is the subject of a Rolling Stone article. As she reads through the advance copy, she thinks about her life and what's led her to where she is today.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a story from Maddie's point of view, nearly ten years after we left off with the season 3 finale. She's the focus of an article in Rolling Stone Country and, as she reads the finished product, she reflects back on events and feelings that were stirred up with each question and answer.**_

At the knock on her suite door, Maddie got up. She peered through the keyhole and saw her assistant. She opened the door with an anticipatory smile. "It's here?" she asked.

Jenna handed her a package she'd been holding. "It's here," she said, smiling back.

Maddie held it to her chest. "I hope it's not awful," she said.

Jenna frowned. "Why would it be awful?" She'd been in the room when the reporter had interviewed Maddie. She had been incredibly impressed with how thoughtful her boss had been in her answers and how careful she'd been not to drag up anything unpleasant.

Maddie shrugged. "No reason. Except I've seen articles like these drag up some pretty gossipy crap that's just mean and hurtful."

"It's part of being a star, I think."

Maddie wrinkled her nose. "Well, it's the part I hate." She thought about some of the awful stuff that had been written about Juliette over the years and shuddered. "Oh, well, hopefully there are no skeletons in my closet."

Jenna smiled at her. "Remember, sound check's at five. And Daphne gets in at six-thirty. She's just going to come straight to the arena."

Maddie grinned. "I can't wait to see her. She knows she's staying here in my suite with me, right?"

Jenna nodded. "Yes, she does. I think she's expecting an all-nighter too."

They laughed together and then Jenna turned and Maddie closed the door behind her. She walked over to the couch and laid the package on the table. She looked at it for a moment, then picked up her phone. She smiled when it was answered. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, sweet girl," Deacon said. "What's up?"

"The _Rolling Stone_ came today."

"Oh, your article."

"Yeah."

"How'd it look?"

Maddie smirked to herself. "I haven't even opened it up yet."

Deacon chuckled softly on the other end. "It'll be fine, sweetie. You told me what you said and it was all good."

"But what if they bring up other stuff?"

He laughed again. "Maddie, you've always been such an open book. I don't think there's anything they could find that you didn't tell 'em. It'll be all good."

She sat down on the couch and picked up the brown wrapped package, laying it on her lap. She sighed. "I guess."

"Maddie, your mom and I are very proud of you. And for _Rolling Stone_ to want to do an article on you is very exciting. We can't wait to read it."

"When do you two leave on your trip?"

"Day after tomorrow. I think your mom is more ready than me. And then we'll see you in Chicago."

Maddie smiled. "I can't wait. Can I bring y'all out on stage for a duet?"

"I don't think it's a duet if all three of us are there," he responded teasingly.

"Not what I meant and you know it. I would love it if the two of you would do a duet."

"We'll see. That's not the reason we're coming though."

"I know."

"Well, go read your article." He paused a moment. "I love you, baby girl."

Maddie smiled wistfully. "I love you too, Dad. Tell Mom I said hello."

When she hung up the phone, she turned her attention back to the package on her lap. It had been a big deal when her publicist had called to tell her _Rolling Stone Country_ wanted to do the article. As a second generation country artist, and a successful one at that, she was still relatively rare in the country music industry. Some had commented, in the beginning, that she had unfair advantage in signing with her mother's label, but she had silenced the critics early on.

She had talked to both Rayna and Deacon about doing the article and what to expect. The reporter wanted to be able to have free range over the questions asked, but Rayna had counseled her daughter to ask for a list in advance. Maddie wanted to be as transparent as she could be and she ultimately only nixed a couple questions, one of those about Juliette Barnes. The reporter had come back and asked again for one question, modified from the original. Rayna had advised her not to answer it, but Maddie let it stand. She had been satisfied with her answer and hoped her mother would be as well.

She took a deep breath and tore off the brown paper. The magazine lay in her lap, all glossy and shiny. The cover artist was Miranda Lambert, who was on her farewell tour, so Maddie's face appeared in a small insert at the bottom left next to the headline. _**Maddie: Country Royalty or Down-to-Earth Girl?**_ She took a deep breath and opened the magazine to the little tab where the publisher had marked the place for the article.

 _Here goes nothing._

 _ **The article itself will frame up the rest of the story, so this is kind of an opening tease.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_When I first opened up the magazine and looked at the article, it looked like a lot of words. So many words. Had I really talked that much? There was a picture of me, in one of the publicist rooms at the Highway 65 offices. I had spent most of the previous two days with the stylist, picking out my outfit for the picture. I ended up with this really pretty cream colored drapey dress, with a black cami underneath. I wore some of Mom's turquoise chandelier earrings and my turquoise rings. And my favorite boots, the ones with the turquoise rhinestones, the ones Dad gave me for my eighteenth birthday, that he had specially made for me. I wanted my hair up and I was glad I had insisted. I thought it looked really nice and pretty, with just some little tendrils around my face. I always thought my mouth was too big, but the picture turned out really well. At least that was something I wouldn't be embarrassed about._

 _I took a deep breath and started reading._

* * *

Maddie is not a newcomer on the country music scene. She's been around a while, as a songwriter and as an artist, although she's just twenty-four. And she keeps reinventing herself to stay relevant as country music changes. But it's been in her blood – literally – even before she was born. She's the daughter of country legend Rayna Jaymes and, arguably, the premiere country guitarist of our time, Deacon Claybourne. She seemed to get the best of both – her mother's ability to craft a winning sound and her father's amazing guitar skills, as well as their impressive songwriting abilities.

She's been compared to many of the greats – Patsy Cline, Martina McBride, Patty Loveless, and her personal idol Miranda Lambert – but she's her own woman and has found her own place in the competitive country music landscape. I was told she was amazingly down-to-earth, and she is, maybe surprisingly so, given she was raised in the rarified air of the tony Belle Meade section of Nashville, attending private schools, and having access to all of country music's legends.

She's getting ready to start her third headlining tour, her first in arenas, continuing a tradition she benefited from herself – the all-female lineup. Opening for her are newcomer Charlotte McQueen and the ready-to-bust-out-on-her-own Bird Barrett. Maddie's been playing professionally since she was eighteen and touring nationwide since she was twenty. She won her first CMA that same year. She won her second, as a songwriter, two years later, for a song she co-wrote for Bird called "Hold My Hand". And then last year, she won her first Female Vocalist of the Year CMA and Grammy. On the morning we talked, at her label's office in Nashville, she shared about her lifelong love of music, what it's like to be a hot artist, what it was like growing up in her complicated family, and what's next for her.

I think you'll find that, although Maddie is indeed country royalty by birth, she is anything but a princess in real life.

 _ **So, Maddie, let's start with – why just Maddie?**_

 _(She laughs.)_ I was born Maddie Conrad and yet my parents' names are Jaymes and Claybourne. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I decided to just be Maddie.

 _That wasn't always true. I had changed my name to Claybourne when I was sixteen. During that horrible year when everything exploded in all of our lives, it felt like the right thing to do. I was angry at my other dad for a while, after he got arrested, and had stopped thinking of him as "Dad", although I still, deep down, loved him like a father. He'd been the only father I knew for a long time and it was hard to walk away from that. But it was easier to just have one person I called "Dad" and, once my dad – Deacon – had recovered from his surgery, I wanted him to be that one._

 _I know it hurt Teddy's feelings, although he never actually said that to me. Daphne told me it made him sad. I cried about it, but it was easier. And it was what I'd wanted, for my mom and dad to be together and for us to be a family, and I felt like it was important to Dad that I be a Claybourne._

 _When I told him, we were in the music room working on a song together. When I'd first found out he was my dad, we had started with guitar lessons as a way to figure out this new relationship. I mean, I had known Deacon Claybourne all my life, and I had loved him all my life. But now I knew he was my dad, that I was his daughter, and it felt really weird at first. So he gave me lessons, which were amazing, because he's a great teacher, and then eventually we did a little writing together. Which, truthfully, I actually geeked out over more than once. I mean, come on, I'm writing songs with freakin' Deacon Claybourne, for crying out loud!_

 _But we were taking a break that day and I just looked at him and told him. "Dad, I'm thinking about changing the name on my birth certificate and becoming Maddie Claybourne," I said._

 _He looked at me and took a really deep breath. Then his eyes got all red, like he was going to cry. "You don't have to," he said._

" _I know. I want to. I've been thinking about it for a while."_

 _He rubbed his eyes then. "What about, you know, your other dad?"_

 _I sighed. "I don't know how to do this without hurting someone. I know he'll feel bad, but don't you feel bad every time you tell someone my name is Maddie Conrad instead of Maddie Claybourne? Doesn't it remind you every time that it should always have been Maddie Claybourne?"_

 _He really did cry then. And he hugged me. "It would be an honor for you to be a Claybourne, Maddie," he said to me._

 _And then I cried too. "I love you, Dad," I said. "I just want everyone to know I belong to you."_

 _He's the most important man in my life. He will always be the person I go to first, for anything. Maybe some of that is because I almost lost him, but he was always the most honest person I ever knew. Even before I knew he was my dad. And I did think about performing as Maddie Claybourne, but by the time I was ready to do that, I had reconnected to my first dad again, and I didn't want to hurt anyone. So that much was true._

* * *

 _ **When did you know you wanted to be an artist?**_

Wow, I guess as long as I can remember. When I was little, I went on the road with my mom and I always wanted to sing like her. And my dad was in her band and he always let me play his guitar, even then. When my mom let my sister and me do sound check once, that's when I really knew.

I did a few open mics, for kids, and then I got to play at the Grand Ole Opry the night they had the tenth anniversary of my mom's Opry induction. My sister and I sang together and my dad played guitar with us, but I was so nervous! It was a really huge thing for us, because Mom had been so protective of us before. But I think she finally understood that we both wanted to perform and I realize now that she really was trying to do things in the right timing. But when you're fifteen, you really don't want to wait!

Standing on that stage, in front of all those people, doing what I loved. It was the best feeling in the world and I knew I wanted to do that for the rest of my life.

 _I always liked to sing. Mom sang to me when I was little and, when I was old enough, she would let me sing with her. We'd hold hair brushes and pretend they were microphones. My favorite song to sing with her, for the longest time, was 'This Love Ain't Big Enough'. She told me it came out the year I was born and the album it was on went platinum. She told me I was her Platinum Baby. I loved that story._

 _Dad would let me sit on his lap and play his guitar. Of course, back then, he was 'Uncle Deacon', but I remember loving how it felt to have my fingers on the strings. He would hold me against his chest and then tuck my arm under the neck of his guitar and use his fingers to put my fingers where they needed to go. Then he would run his other hand over the strings and I felt like I was playing._

 _Sometimes I wonder what Mom thought when she would see us that way. Did she regret never telling him about me? Did she wish she could tell him then? I wanted to be so angry with her about that, but I remember one time Dad telling me that we just had to let it go. That if we stayed angry, we'd never really be able to enjoy the good that came out of it, finally. It turned out it was more important to be his daughter than it was to be mad at my mom._

 _Dad bought me my own guitar when I was seven. It was for Christmas and it was a kid's guitar, but still. It was mine! So then I could sit across from him and watch him and try to copy him. At some point, we stopped doing that. I guess it was when I really stopped going on tour with Mom. I didn't see Dad as much anymore then, only when they were in town or sometimes when Mom took Daphne and me with her._

 _Mom took Daphne and Aunt Tandy and me with her to New York when she was on the_ _ **Red Lips/White Lies**_ _tour. She and Teddy were getting divorced then and she'd given me her old guitar. I brought it with me, since Daphne and I liked to work on songs together. She surprised us by letting us do her sound check one afternoon. It was the most awesome experience ever!_

 _It's funny, because now I do sound check all the time and it's no big deal, but when you're thirteen and you feel like an ugly duckling dork, getting to do sound check on a real arena stage is a really big deal. It turned into kind of a performance. Mom's band backed us up, which was cool, and all these people came out to watch us. Including Dad. You know, I think back on that and I remember how proud Mom was and that made me feel good, but seeing Dad watch us and have that big silly grin on his face was the best thing ever. He told me later what a great guitarist I was and I almost died from that. I mean, he's the best – still is – so for him to think I was good was the best compliment I'd ever been paid. And it made me want to be an artist that much more._

 _Mom asked me once, after I'd started performing regularly, if it was everything I had thought it would be. I had to laugh, because it turned out not to be as glamorous as I'd thought it would be. Even when you had your own glam squad, it was boring to sit and be fussed over and dressed and then pushed this way and that. Rehearsing was hard work and traveling was a grind. But the part where I stepped out on stage in front of an audience? And played songs I'd written that came from my heart? That was absolutely everything I thought it would be. It was simply the best feeling ever!_

* * *

 _ **What do you say to people who think you got where you are on your parents' coattails?**_

 _(Maddie frowns a little at this.)_ I guess it kind of makes me mad. I mean, I get it, my mom has a label and she signed me and not everyone has that opportunity. But Highway 65 wasn't the only label that wanted to sign me. I had offers from three other labels. And my mom would be the first to tell you that I didn't take her offer right away. I really thought about whether that was what I wanted to do. The offer she made me wasn't any better than any other offer she's made to a baby artist either, but the one thing I did know is that she absolutely would nurture me as an artist. Not just because I was her daughter, because I watched her do it with so many others. She gave me freedom I probably wouldn't have had anywhere else and that's made me a better artist. I'll never regret that.

 _ **Did your father help you get your publishing deal?**_

He did not. I got that on my own. He was very careful to stay out of that, which is his way. He always believed in me as a songwriter, which was hugely confidence-building, but he let me make my own way there. He did encourage me, though, to sign my recording deal with Mom. _(She laughs at this.)_

 _It did make me mad when people said I got where I was because of my parents. I wonder if people say that about other kids whose parents own businesses. Seems unfair._

 _The truth is that Mom always tried to protect us, Daphne and me. When we were younger, we didn't appreciate that, but we do now. She did it the right way. We did get an advantage because our mom is Rayna Jaymes. So we got to do things like play the Bluebird and the Grand Ole Opry when we were pretty young. But she also didn't let anyone take advantage of us then._

 _She told me once that she knew we were really good when we were really young and that it had scared her a little. I always thought she was being unfair in not letting me perform, because she'd done it when she was sixteen. But I realized later that she did it all alone. She didn't have her parents to help her or to be there if something went wrong. I mean, I know Dad was there then, but they were both young and inexperienced. I didn't always appreciate it, but I do now, that she and Dad were there for me and for Daphne and gave us the benefit of what they learned back then._

 _I did think about it long and hard before I decided to sign with Mom. She said she never expected me to do it without seeing what else was out there and that she would have been happy for me whatever decision I made, but I wondered if it would have hurt her feelings if I hadn't. I do know, though, that no one else would have taken care of me quite the way she did. That was her way, whether I was her daughter or not._

 _Dad and I talked about it once, not too long after I signed and I was in rehearsals for my first album. "How's it going, sweet girl?" he asked me._

" _It's good. Slow, but good." I sighed. "Mom really makes it hard sometimes."_

 _He frowned. "What do you mean?"_

" _She's always hovering, nitpicking at everything I do. It feels like she doesn't like anything I'm doing. She's so critical."_

 _Dad put his arm around me and pulled me in close. "Maddie, she's trying to make you the best you can be. She does it with every artist she has, so it's not just you. She nitpicks because she wants it to be perfect. She's critical because she wants you to be successful." He smiled. "She hovers because you're our daughter, so that much is because it's you." He kissed me on my forehead. "She's so proud of you, baby. It's an even bigger deal to her that you be successful than anyone else, because you're her daughter. She wants everyone to see what we see, that you're an amazing artist. And she'll make you one."_

 _Turns out he was right._


	3. Chapter 3

_**So, talk about the all-women line-ups you seem to favor. What drives that?**_

Truthfully? My mom. She's always been all about strong women artists and, although she has plenty of male artists at her label, she particularly wants to nurture female artists. Years ago, even before she started out, there were lots of really strong female artists. Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, Dottie West. And then there were my mom's contemporaries, like Lorrie Morgan and Reba and Faith Hill and Martina McBride and Pam Tillis. And so many more. But then male artists really started to dominate and there were very few women who got radio play. I know that for a while, if you weren't Taylor Swift or Juliette Barnes or Carrie Underwood or Miranda Lambert, it was hard to get heard on country radio. Even my mom struggled back then. So it's her passion and, I guess, by extension, it's mine. I got started touring with Miranda, who is also a huge supporter of other female artists.

Now it's my turn to do the same.

 _ **Tell us about Charlotte McQueen and Bird Barrett, the women you're touring with next.**_

I'm so excited about them! Charlotte's been playing around Nashville for a couple years and has written some amazing music and it's finally getting some airplay. I think she's going to be the next Taylor Swift. Country Taylor, that is! _(Maddie laughs.)_ And Bird is probably going to have her own headlining tour next season. I'm incredibly lucky to have her open for me. I'm just afraid she's going to push me off the stage one day! _(She laughs again, a loud, boisterous laugh.)_ She's a great mix of bluegrass and Americana and traditional country. She and I have written together several times and I'm just in awe of her talent.

I'm really excited to be introducing them to a bigger audience.

 _It was probably my mom's least favorite tour, even now, after all these years._ _Red Lips/White Lies_ _. I think, back then, if you were to mention those four words to her, she would throw up a little in her mouth. Of course, these days, the mere mention of Juliette's name is enough to send her into a week-long rage. She no longer has any tolerance for her and I get it. Back then, though, I think she was just merely annoyed. And, if she were truthful, a little hurt. Maybe a lot hurt._

 _I didn't see it as clearly back then, because I was thirteen, after all. And I thought Juliette Barnes was all that. But that was when Mom went through a really rough patch in her career. Dad told me once that her label was close to dropping her, because her popularity had really gone down. Her albums weren't selling and no one was buying tickets to her shows. It probably was the time in most artists' lives when the next crop of up-and-comers were moving up the charts. It's a cycle and we all know it. It doesn't make it easy, but I guess she wasn't prepared for that._

 _But_ _Red Lips/White Lies_ _put her back on the map. And kept her there until Dad's cancer and surgery when she made the decision to consciously step back some. These days she doesn't perform much and she's okay with that. She does still do the Opry once in a while – I always tell her she's one of the "Grand Old People of the Opry" and she glares at me – and she does benefit shows and stuff like that. But she really enjoys bringing along new artists and it's actually so cool to see her excitement over that._

 _I wonder sometimes how long I'll be able to keep this going. It's not an easy life, that's for sure. When I was growing up, I never really knew Mom as anyone other than "the great Rayna Jaymes" and it always looked so easy from where I sat. But it's a lot of hard work. Picking out the right songs, putting together the right arrangements, having the right band, doing all the publicity and radio promotion. I've always heard that country artists are some of the hardest working performers. There are very few that can consistently sell out stadiums, so you have to work a lot of arenas and smaller venues to make it work. But I learned from the best and now I have a chance to teach the ones coming after me._

* * *

 _ **You mentioned her earlier and you've often said that Juliette Barnes was someone you admired, especially when you were younger, and that you had hoped to have the type of success she did. Considering how things ended up with her, do you still feel that way? And when was the last time you saw her?**_

 _(Maddie took a long pause before she answered and, when she did, her voice was full of sadness.)_ That's a hard one, really. Juliette was a good friend to me during some difficult times in my life. There were times when it was hard for me to talk to my parents, or even know what to say to them, and she was there with a shoulder and an ear and some good advice. I know that both my parents were kind of wary of her and her possible influence on me. For good reason, I have to admit now. But they also trusted me, which I appreciated, and I think Juliette knew how far she could go.

When she first got popular, I loved her. My sister and I both did. And I know we made our mom crazy with how we would put on our own little concerts singing Juliette Barnes songs. When Mom did the _Red Lips/White Lies_ tour with Juliette, it was like a dream come true. And that's when I actually got to know her. So yeah, I think it's safe to say that I wanted to be like Juliette, at least from a success standpoint. I know a lot of people would say, 'why not be like your mom?', but, you know, she was my _mom_. And Juliette seemed to have it all.

I didn't know until a long time later how messed up Juliette's life really had been, and how that kind of set the stage for everything else. And then all the stuff that went on with Highway 65 and Luke Wheeler, that kind of drew the battle lines for our family, once and for all, I guess. And I really couldn't be okay with what she'd done to my mom, at that point. _(Back in 2015 and into 2016, Rayna Jaymes and Highway 65 Records sued Juliette Barnes and Wheelin' Dealin' Records for breach of contract when Luke Wheeler signed Juliette while she was still legally signed to H65. The portion of the suit against Wheelin' Dealin' Records was settled in 2016, while the suit against Barnes lasted for years.)_ It was a really bad time, you know? For everyone.

I haven't talked to Juliette since then. I've tried reaching out to her a couple times over the years, but she's never responded. I think for her there's probably too much pain and it's too personal. She ended up losing almost everything then and I doubt she'd ever welcome any of us back into her life again.

I wish her well though. I know she's trying to get things back on track and I hope she's successful. She's an amazing artist and entertainer.

 _What happened with Juliette could not have come at a worse time. My dad was going through his liver transplant surgery. My other dad had gotten arrested then. So when Mom found out that Juliette had signed with Luke, she completely flipped out. I found her on the rooftop lounge of the hospital a couple days after Dad's surgery, talking to Bucky on her phone. My dad was being moved to a surgical floor and I knew Mom wanted to be there. But Bucky had called and she'd stormed out of the waiting room._

" _Sue them!" I heard Mom say. "And tell them all there's no fucking way they're screwing me over this time!" I had never heard Mom talk like this before. "I mean it, Buck. She's signed to Highway 65 and I'm not releasing her. She's out of control." She listened for a minute, then laughed. But it was not a happy laugh, it was mean and sarcastic. "She's been nothing but disrespectful and insubordinate to me for months, if not the entire time she's been on the label. If this is what she wants, then we're suing her. I'm not giving her an easy way out." She turned and saw me then. "Listen, Buck, Maddie's here. I gotta go. I'll call you later." She hung up and looked at me, her face a little red. "I'm sorry, sweet girl."_

 _I shrugged. "It's okay." I smiled at her then. "They're getting ready to move Dad. I know you wanted to be there."_

 _She smiled back. "I do." She walked over to me and put her arm around me. "Let's go be with your dad. I need something really good right now."_

 _###_

 _The thing with Juliette didn't end quickly. In fact, it dragged on for the longest time. When Mom and Bucky figured out that Luke was telling the truth, that he'd had no idea Juliette hadn't broken her contract like she'd said, they settled his part of the suit and focused on Juliette and Jeff Fordham. It got ugly. Which was too bad._

 _Mom really didn't need all that while Dad was recovering and everything was going on with Aunt Bev. She didn't have time to deal with Daphne either, so that kind of got left to me. She was right, though. Juliette was out of control._

 _Everyone said it was post-partum depression, but Mom thought it was more than that. She knew Juliette had grown up in a bad situation and she thought it probably contributed to it, but she'd had enough. She no longer cared. I don't know if it was because of everything that was going on with Dad and she was just at the end of her rope, but I saw a Rayna Jaymes in those days that I had never seen before. Someone who lost her compassion for Juliette and wanted to make her pay. I don't know – still don't – what was behind all that, but I think there was some really old baggage that came into play._

 _It was a sad situation all the way around. Juliette's husband left with their daughter and she seemed to spiral out of control at that point. She spent time in rehab and had two stays in a mental hospital. She lost everything – her career, her money, her self-respect. She disappeared for over a year, finally turning up in a boarding house in New York City._

 _It was a dark time for everyone. In the beginning, Dad tried to talk to Mom about it, but eventually he had the same bitter feelings towards Juliette. I tried talking with him about her once, wondering if there wasn't some way we could show some compassion to such a broken person. But he had stiffened up and told me it wasn't up for discussion. He had shut the door on her as completely as everyone else. Finally I stopped trying._

 _It was hard to watch someone I had once admired fall apart so completely as Juliette did. I heard that Avery, her husband, had never divorced her, holding out hope, I guess, that she'd find her way back. I've heard that she's trying to start over, but I wonder if it's even possible now._

 _###_

 _The hardest part of all of that went on then was watching what happened to Mom. It reminded me a little bit of how she was when she was engaged to Luke Wheeler. She always had this fake smile glued onto her face, but everything she did or said was just brittle. It felt like she looked straight through me, back then. Once, when I tried talking to Dad about it, he just told me to leave her be. He was almost harsh about it, which had surprised me._

 _Mom had told me, right before Dad's surgery, that she had wanted Daphne and me to see what true love really was. She didn't want to say that to Daph, because she was afraid it would hurt her, but she knew I would understand. Honestly, I think that during that really dark time in all our lives, when it turned into so much more than just "the Juliette debacle", that I understood what she meant. I think the only one she could open up to was Dad and I think that only ever happened when it was just the two of them. He took care of her then, in ways we could see and that we couldn't. He was always there, with a touch or a look or a hug. I'd catch them sometimes, by accident, and it felt a little like they were in their own world. It was painful to watch but it was also beautiful. More than anything, it helped me understand where I came from and that was strangely comforting. Even now, it's hard to put words to what that level of intimacy and oneness looked and felt like. I only know that I hope one day to find that. And I know with certainty that I haven't found it yet._


	4. Chapter 4

My phone buzzed and I picked it up. When I saw it was Mom, I smiled. "Hey, Mom," I said.

"Hey, sweet girl. Your dad told me the article came."

"Yeah, it did." I knew she'd been very nervous about it. She had been worried about some of the questions they wanted to ask.

"How did it turn out?"

"So far, so good. I haven't read it all." I paused a moment. "I just read the Juliette question and they left it the way I answered it." I was pretty sure that was what she was most worried about.

Mom was quiet. I could picture her face. Whenever Juliette's name was mentioned, which was rare these days, it still made her look so angry. Her eyes would go so cold and flat and her mouth would settle into a grim line. "I wish you'd left that out," she said quietly.

"I know. But it's okay. It's exactly what I told you I said. I promise."

"They can get you to tell them all kinds of things you don't want to say, Maddie. They can make it seem like you need to give them dirt and gossip or they'll pull a wild card." She sounded hurt.

I knew what she was talking about, but that wasn't what happened here. "Really, Mom. It was fine."

She sighed. "When does Daphne get in?" she asked, changing the subject.

"About six-thirty, Jenna said. She's staying through the end of the tour, so she'll be here when you and Dad come to Chicago."

"We can't wait to see you both." She sounded happy now.

"Have a great trip."

She laughed. "I'm so ready for the beach. But I think your dad is looking forward to this more than I am."

* * *

 _ **What was it like growing up as the daughter of Rayna Jaymes?**_

I know people probably won't believe this, but in a lot of ways it wasn't any different than being the daughter of any other mom. I mean, yeah, she was a singer and she wore sparkly clothes and super high heels and she went on stage in front of tens of thousands of people almost every night. And everyone knew who she was and that meant they knew who I was. It was cool to get to travel with her. I went out on tour with her until I started school and then traveled with her on school breaks and summers. And that was awesome. I loved to watch her.

She was a really strict mom, though. She didn't let my sister and me just do anything. So sometimes I would get mad at her because she wouldn't let me do things I wanted to do, like be a recording artist when I was thirteen. _(Maddie laughs and winks.)_ She was really, really protective. I appreciate it now, but back then I didn't.

But she could also be fun. She let Daphne and me do sound check for her. She let us sing with her at the Bluebird and she let us make our Opry debut. We'd have movie nights with pizza and popcorn. We made cookies together. We did so many normal mother-daughter things. She always made us feel like we were the most special people on the planet. So all in all, it was good.

 _ **I know you found out that Deacon Claybourne was your father when you were thirteen. How did that all come about?**_

Well, that's when it was made public. You know that my parents had a long history together and then, when they broke up, my mom married Teddy Conrad. So after she and Teddy got divorced, my dad – Deacon – and I started spending more time together.

You know, he and I are so alike in so many ways. He really helped me be better at everything. He was always so patient and encouraging. He was always there for me, whenever I needed him.

 _ **Didn't you post a YouTube video as Maddie Claybourne back then?**_

 _(Maddie blushes a little.)_ Yeah, I did. It was dumb on my part, but we survived it. That was during my rebellious years. _(She laughs.)_

 _ **I remember you said you wrote that song with your dad. And I understand you still write with him sometimes.**_

I do. He's the best writing partner. Just ask my mom.

 _ **I know there have been a lot of hard times too. Like when your parents were in that car accident.**_

 _(Maddie looks away for a moment.)_ Yeah, that was pretty scary. My mom was hurt pretty bad and we were really worried then. I think it was harder for my parents though than it was for the rest of us. It took a while for them to heal from that.

 _ **And your father had cancer.**_

We really thought we were going to lose him. Or, I guess, I did. My mom was always so strong and she always believed he would be alright. But I was so scared. And angry. Really angry. It felt so unfair, right when everything was working out for us as a family. And then it really went down to the wire for a transplant and then there were some complications afterwards. But, he's fine now, so it's all good.

 _I think I will forever define my life as before that early November day when I was thirteen and after that. On that day, I did something that changed everything forever, for me and for pretty much everyone else in my life. It wasn't all bad in the end, but for a while it was complicated. Oh, so very complicated, even though I truly grew to hate that word for a long time._

 _I truly have the most mixed up family situation you could imagine. My old friend Talia used to say that my life was a country song, and there's some truth to that. I started life as Maddie Conrad and then became Maddie Claybourne. My mom is a famous country music star and my father, the one I thought was my father for a long time, was a businessman. And then Mayor of Nashville. And then a criminal. My real dad was my mom's lead guitar player for years but neither of us knew that until I was thirteen years old. Eventually he married my mom, but before that happened, it was, you know, 'complicated'. Even my sister turned out to be my half-sister. Talia was right. My life_ _is_ _a country song._

 _I don't think people understand how hard it can be when your parents are famous. Or even just one parent is famous. I always felt like such an ugly duckling, growing up. It felt so unfair. I was always tall and gangly, always tripping over my feet. I had to wear glasses, starting when I was six. My mouth was big and my hands were big. I just felt so awkward next to my glamorous, perfect mom, because it felt like everyone compared me to her._

 _It didn't help that Daphne was tiny and blonde and perfect. I loved her so much, but I was so jealous of her. I wanted to be petite and cute, not gawky and unattractive. Mom always tried to make me feel better and told me that stupid thing moms always tell you – 'it's more important to be beautiful inside' – even though she always told me I was beautiful outside too._

 _It helped when Daphne and I started singing together. I could forget what I looked like and how I felt about myself when I was singing. When I realized that I had some talent with the guitar, it really felt like maybe there was hope for me. When mom gave me her guitar, I was kind of surprised to find out that I was pretty good at it. She was pretty hopeless on it and Teddy definitely had no musical ability._

 _So back in those days, the hardest thing about being Rayna Jaymes' daughter was feeling like I didn't measure up, that somehow I just didn't fit in. For a long time after that, I wished I could have gone back to when it was only that simple._

 _The day that changed everything had been a few months coming. The people I thought were my parents were getting a divorce. I couldn't understand that because I hadn't seen that coming. I realized much later that the reason Daphne and I didn't see it is because that was the way Mom wanted it. She was good at hiding things and putting things away in little boxes, both literally and figuratively. I think she learned it when she was with Dad, in the beginning. Their lives were such a mess that she had to figure out how to separate stuff so she could just get through each day._

 _It was hard finding out that my father was sneaking around with another woman. It made me mad at him and on Mom's side. And then I heard her say 'I love you' to Deacon and I realized that I didn't know anything at all. How could it be that both my parents had these lives Daphne and I knew nothing about? Our lives were the ones that were being blown up and we had no control over anything._

 _So I started searching. It started with the internet, looking up information on Peggy Kenter, finding out that she and Teddy had known each other for years. And then finding all those pictures and stories of Mom and Dad, back when they were first together. I wondered if this had all been going on all this time. Why would Mom still have Deacon Claybourne in her band if that was over? Did it hurt Teddy to the point that he had an affair?_

 _Then I remembered how once, when I was playing dress up in Mom's closet, she got all fidgety when I got to the back of the closet and she told me that was where her private stuff was and I needed to stay away. She said it was private, grown up stuff and she shut the door. After a while I forgot about it, but now I wondered what was there._

 _I can still remember how I felt when I pulled out that piece of paper that said Teddy Conrad was not my father. I felt sick to my stomach. I cried. At first I didn't know what to do. I sat there for a long time, before I took all that stuff to my room. My head hurt. My heart hurt. I couldn't figure out what it meant at first. Why would she marry someone else? And who really was my father? Did he know about me? Did he not want me? Did she think I was a mistake?_

 _Of course, all those answers finally came and what followed felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. I try not to think about all that happened in those next few weeks and months. It was painful and horrible and mixed up. But when the dust finally settled, a lot of things became more clear to me that had been murky before. Like where I got my talent for the guitar, where my big hands and mouth came from, why I was more introspective. Who I really looked like and where I really came from._

 _As hard as it was in the beginning and as many fits and starts as we had over the first year or so, getting to know Deacon Claybourne as my father was such an amazing journey. Mom told me that I had always just naturally gravitated to him when I was growing up and I do remember always feeling safe and secure with him. He could always make me smile and he was always so kind to me. I realized that we'd always had a bond, even if neither of us knew quite why that was._

 _It would be kind of fairy tale-ish to say that once I knew Deacon Claybourne was my father that everything became clear and focused and it was all amazingly good, because it wasn't. There was still so much to work through and figure out. But it was actually something he said to me, back in those early days when we were still feeling things out and I was still calling him Deacon, that touched my heart and made me think about things differently._

 _I don't remember anymore what it was exactly that I was upset about, but I do remember complaining to Dad about how awkward I was and how I could never get boys to notice me and that I just felt uncomfortable in my skin, how I could never measure up to someone as glamorous as Mom. He took my hand and squeezed it, and then he said, 'Maddie, you don't have to be like your mom. You're amazing all on your own. From the moment I met you, when you were just a tiny thing, I could never take my eyes off you. You were always smiling, always laughing. You were kind and caring and_ _careful_ _. You were always talented and I loved watching how happy that made you. I was so proud of you, even back then when you were just your mama's daughter. You've always been beautiful to me and now you're becoming a beautiful young lady. I'm just so glad I get to watch you up close now.' He looked a little like he wanted to cry then. 'I'm so honored to be your dad.' It was probably that moment when I realized that I felt honored to be his daughter._

 _No one ever actually said back then – in public, anyway – that I hadn't known about my dad until then. And maybe it's silly, but I don't want to say it that way now. Back then maybe I was mad enough that I wouldn't have cared, but these days I don't want people thinking 'wow, your mom kept that a secret'. She had her reasons and, while I might not agree with all of them, Dad and I have made our peace with it. I may not have always known that Deacon Claybourne was my dad, but I've always had a strong, loving relationship with him and it just became better when I knew his blood ran in me._

 _When Dad got sick, I think that's when I really realized how much I needed him in my life. He'd always been there, in one way or another, but I really wasn't ready to lose him. Mom was always so sure it would be okay, and thank God it was, but it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life. I think I appreciate him even more because I almost lost him._

 _Which leads back to Mom. I've known her all my life – of course! – but she was always the constant in my life. I know now that Dad's life was a mess when she got pregnant with me and their lives together were hard and difficult. Like I said, that's when Mom learned to put everything in little boxes, trying to keep each part of her life 'fixed'. And the part that was me was the part she wanted to make safe and lovely and wonderful. She sacrificed herself, and gave up the love of her life, so that she could give me a father that I could count on and a life that would be normal. She didn't care that she wasn't going to have the life she'd always dreamed of, a life that's good, as long as she took care of me._

 _I could argue that she should have given Dad more time before she gave up, but she did the best she knew how and I'm just not going to fault her for that. She proved how much she loved me and when the truth did come out, she supported me while I explored what it meant to be Deacon Claybourne's daughter. She is an awesome mom. I couldn't have asked for a better one._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Talk about your step-dad, Teddy Conrad. What's going on with him?**_

He's back in Nashville now and doing well.

 _ **He went to prison, though, right? How did you feel about that?**_

How did I feel? Pretty awful. Wouldn't you? It was probably harder on my sister though. It was a tough time for her. There was so much else going on and Mom was stretched so thin….

You know, he did a really bad thing though. I couldn't overlook that or pretend it hadn't happened. It made me mad that he hadn't really thought about how all of that would impact Daphne and me. I guess the worst part was finding out it wasn't the first time and all the other things he'd done. It really drove a wedge between us for a long time. But we're in a better place now.

 _I have lots of conflicting feelings about Teddy Conrad._

 _He was my father for the first thirteen years of my life. I guess I should clarify that he was my_ _only_ _father for the first thirteen years of my life. The only one I knew about. Truthfully, he was a good dad then. He was fun and loving and supportive. He was the stay-at-home parent for several years, while Mom was probably at the peak of her success. So she was out touring – a lot – and Teddy was home with Daphne and me._

 _It's funny when I think about it now. I thought I looked like him, that I acted like him, when really none of that was true. Oh, I suppose I did pick up on some of his mannerisms and stuff. That's probably inevitable. The whole nature vs. nurture thing. Ha, ha. Mom would be proud that I remember something from school. He took really good care of us though. I give him a lot of credit for that._

 _I also, in hindsight, give him a lot of credit for loving me the way he did. Looking back, I never once would have thought I wasn't his natural daughter. He never treated Daphne differently and, believe me, I thought long and hard about that. I do sometimes think that it couldn't really have been that simple, but I actually think it mostly was. For him._

 _For me, it was way more complicated. There's that word again. Why does a word that infuriates me so much always end up being just the right way to describe my life? Anyway, he treated me like I was his own flesh-and-blood for thirteen years. Of course that also means he actively kept the truth from me for thirteen years. I know it wasn't all Mom. And even after I found out Deacon was my real father, he tried to keep us apart. He said it was to protect me, but I think he was just afraid he'd lose me._

 _Eventually he did, of course, although not really for that._

 _When he got elected mayor, I was really proud of him. He was still just Dad then, though, and he could still embarrass the hell out of me sometimes. And I was mad at him for busting up our family. But he tried to be a good dad, always. But then I found out he wasn't really my dad after all and Deacon was. And that he'd known that all along._

 _Things changed then. Not a lot, at first, but they still changed. I spent more time with Dad then, something Teddy wasn't happy about. I know he felt a little pushed out, but it was important to me to get to know Dad better and be with him. I know now that I was too young, and probably too immature, to understand how much that hurt Teddy. And how afraid he was that he was losing me._

 _He was weak. I realize that now. It didn't have to take the turn it did, but I think he panicked. And did a dumb thing. Several dumb things, it turns out. Quite honestly, it was easy for me to make the break. Not to say I did it fast, but when I did, at least I had someplace to turn. It didn't hurt me the same way it hurt Daphne and I think that, more than anything, was when I made the break in my heart. He had left my sister all alone, at least she felt that way. He hurt her terribly and she felt abandoned. For a long time, I felt like I could never forgive him for that. And for the fact that it put a wedge between Daphne and me._

 _I've been able to forgive him, finally. To work on mending fences, now that he's out of prison. I don't really think of him as a father anymore, but he was important to me for a long time and I can't forget that. Plus I want to be there for my sister, as she repairs her own relationship with him, and with the rest of us._

 _Whenever I think of Teddy Conrad, I think of a man who was willing to love another man's child as his own. That had to have been a huge burden and a lot to overcome, but he did it. For me. He loved me unconditionally – still does – and even if I don't anymore, I do care about him and feel grateful to him._

 _ **You and your sister were a duo at one time, weren't you? What happened to that?**_

Well, a lot changed when Teddy went to prison. She and I had been really, really close and we still were, but she got really sad then and she stopped wanting to sing and perform. She went a lot of years not doing that and we kind of went in different directions with our lives. She's in college now and she's involved in musical theater there, which makes me very happy. She's a wonderful artist and performer and she really seems to have found her passion.

I'm really sure that one day she's going to be on Broadway and win Tony's. And maybe, one day, we'll perform together again. I'd really like that.

 _I remember telling Daphne, when Mom and Teddy broke up, that it was us against the world. There was so much drama that swirled around us and she was really my touchstone, just like I think I was hers. But when my parents got back together, she felt squeezed out. And then Teddy went to prison and she felt like she was on the outside looking in._

 _I know it was really hard for her to see Mom and Dad and me, together. We all saw her as part of our family, that never changed, but I understand why she didn't always see it that way. I never meant for her to feel left out and I know Mom and Dad didn't either. During that time, she really needed Mom most of all, but, you know, she was going through so much then. Daphne understands it better now, but back then, well, it was just hard._

 _I tried to keep her close, but she was hurting and I really wasn't sure how to fix that. I was so happy that my parents had found each other again and I understood it was hard for Daphne, but I didn't know what to say to her then. She had told me that she'd asked Teddy to ask Mom to let her live with him and that had made me really sad. But of course, that didn't happen._

 _The hardest part for me was when she stopped singing. I tried so hard to get her interested again. We all did, but she just didn't want to. I know she really needed Mom in those days, but her attentions were elsewhere. I know she wanted to be there for Daphne, but there was too much happening and Daphne kind of got left off to the side._

 _Thankfully we never stopped loving each other, but there was a time when I couldn't describe us as close. She was hurt, I think, when things got hard for me with Teddy. And when I started going out on the road, the bond between us really got frayed. She seems to have found herself now and she's happier than I've seen her in a very long time. She's found her voice again, although she uses it a different way. She and I still don't sing together anymore and that makes me sad. One day soon, I hope that will change._

 _I am thankful that we're close again. As much stuff as I had to work through, it was easy to forget that Daphne had a lot to work through too. We went from being sisters to half-sisters, although I know I never thought of her that way. She loves Dad, always has, but that separated us, the idea that we had different dads. She told me once that she'd heard Mom refer to Dad as the 'love of her life' and she'd wondered where that left her. I don't think Mom ever knew that and she would have been devastated to know she'd hurt Daphne that way. But we were able to work through it and we're a family again, the way Mom always wanted us to be._

 _ **You were linked in the past to Colt Wheeler, the son of your mother's former fiancé, Luke Wheeler. Where does that stand now? Are you in touch with him at all these days?**_

 _(Maddie laughs.)_ Oh, my God, that was so long ago! You know, I was fifteen then. I think I liked him as much because he was sort of "forbidden fruit" as much as anything else, but it was like most high school romances and it fizzled out. I don't see Colt these days.

 _This was the only question they brought up that wasn't in the agreed list of questions. I guess this was that wild card that Mom was afraid of. I got a little worried at first, because it wasn't true that it was all done as long ago as I'd said._

 _The truth was that I'd run into Colt two years ago, when I was in California visiting my Aunt Tandy. He had transferred to my school after our parents broke up, but at the end of that year, he left. I lost track of him after that and didn't even know he was in California until Aunt Tandy and I ran into him when we were out having lunch one day._

 _I was really blown away by how good looking he was. Not that he hadn't been when we were in high school, but now he was just pin-up gorgeous. He sat with us for a few minutes, catching up, and then asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks. I could see Aunt Tandy frowning, but I just ignored her and said yes. We exchanged contact information and made a date and then he left._

" _Do you think that's a good idea?" Aunt Tandy asked._

 _I made a face. "It's just a drink. Don't be such an old fuddy-duddy."_

 _She looked shocked. "I am not a fuddy-duddy, young lady. But he got you in a lot of trouble once."_

" _Please. I was in high school then. I think I'm a little more mature now, don't you think?" I winked at her. "It's just a drink. No big deal."_

 _But it kind of was a big deal. Seeing him had made me feel all tingly and then I got seriously nervous getting ready to meet him. It had been great to catch up with him and the spark was still there, even after all those years. What had made me nervous when the reporter asked the question, though, was whether they had uncovered our secret affair._

 _We had kept things private, for several reasons. One was that he'd just gotten out of a very serious relationship and really didn't want things to be heavy. I just didn't want to be followed around, having people poking around in my personal life. The truth, though, was that keeping it secret bugged me. Lying felt wrong, but he thought our parents wouldn't be too thrilled. What I found out, though, was that he really wanted to mend that relationship that had ended and he didn't want her to know about me._

 _It hurt, when I met her at a party Colt invited me to. He told her I was just an old friend but it was obvious he still had feelings for her. I realized then that I'd been foolish in thinking there was a chance for us. He was my first love and I had hoped, when we'd run into each other again, that we could be that again. I really had wanted it to mean something again, for him, because it had meant something to me. He was the one I couldn't stop thinking about, all those years._

 _Things had gotten weird and awkward between us after Dad had caught us at his house. Colt wanted to fool around and I sort of did too, although I clearly had no idea what that really meant. We had skipped school and gone to Dad's house, because I knew he wouldn't be there. He'd moved in with us then and I knew Scarlett was busy with her career, so it had seemed like the perfect place. Except that Dad stopped by to do I don't even know what._

 _The kissing had been so nice and there had been a little hands-y stuff when we'd been alone at Colt's dad's ranch, but this was different. I remember that I was scared, because it was going a little further than I'd expected and I was afraid to say no. He touched me, differently than before, and I had felt uncomfortable at the same time that I had felt all tingly and warm. I'd never been touched like that before, never felt those kinds of feelings. I don't know what would have happened if Dad hadn't walked in on us, but I can guess. And I never told him that, deep down inside, I was grateful he had._

 _I hadn't been ready then, but I was certainly ready now. I had had other relationships, serious ones. I'd had my heart broken a time or two, although I'd realized later that I wasn't as devastated as I'd thought at that very moment. But Colt was different. I'd been sad when he left Nashville, his only words to me being 'I'm sorry'._

 _Which, ironically, was the same thing he said to me this time, when he called me after that party. That it had been great reconnecting but that, you know, he lived in California and I lived in Nashville, and a lot had changed since high school. And that he was working things out with his old girlfriend. I was heartbroken. Again. But this time the pain lingered longer. A lot longer._

 _But it wasn't meant to be and I was grateful the reporter didn't probe any further. I know Mom will be relieved._


	6. Chapter 6

_**Your songs always seem so intensely personal. Is that by design? Seems like you have a lot to draw from with everything that's gone on in your life.**_

My mom gave me her guitar when I was thirteen. It was the guitar her mom had given her. It was around the time she and Teddy were getting divorced and it was a hard time for all of us. She told me that when her mom had given her the guitar, she'd told her to use it to work out her feelings. So that's what my mom told me. She knew I had a lot of feelings going on about what was happening and it was a way to channel that.

Later on, my dad told me that songwriting was three chords and the truth. He actually helped me more than anyone in taking the things that were in my head and helping me get them down on paper. He helped me with more than just learning how to play a guitar, but also in how to say what you wanted to say in music.

Both my parents have always written from their hearts and I guess I just didn't know any other way to write but the same way they do. So yeah, my songs are from my heart and they're about my feelings and hopes and dreams and heartaches and disappointments.

 _It's funny. Mom and Dad usually are pretty transparent about what they write. Dad especially. It was always pretty obvious when they were writing about each other, even when they weren't together. But I've always tried to be more subtle. Even when I was younger, I tried not to be too obvious._

 _The first song I ever really wrote mostly myself was the one I posted on YouTube. It was a crazy time in my life. Dad and I were getting to know each other, Teddy was trying to keep me from doing that and was trying to keep me from singing and playing guitar. Pretty much all the things that tied me to my dad and that he didn't understand._

 **The shadows of regret / The ghost of things we said / They've got me dead to right / And I can't sleep tonight**

 **So here I am again / Another one that I can't win / Well it's too late now to fight / And I can't sleep tonight**

 _It was hard, going through that. I knew Teddy wasn't wrong about everything and I knew that I was just trying to find my way, but I couldn't make him understand that. He didn't want to listen. I wanted to tell him that there was enough room for both him and Deacon then, that it didn't have to be one or the other. I couldn't make him understand and so he was hurt and I was hurt and Deacon was hurt. It was kind of a mess._

 _I don't know that anybody really understood what I was trying to say then. Eventually it all sorted out, I guess._

 **Love and loss and toss and turn / Light 'em up, then watch them burn / I don't know who's wrong or right / All I know is I can't sleep tonight / Yeah**

 **Yeah I know that / When it's good it's good / When it works it works / And when it don't, it hurts**

 _It did hurt. A lot._

 _ **The story is "Hold My Hand" was about a guy in your life. Any tease on who it was for? And why didn't you release it?**_

Well, it's definitely real feelings. But I wrote that song with Maren Morris, so it's not all about a story in _my_ life. I think anyone who's ever been in a relationship and then is faced with your predecessor can relate to "Hold My Hand". We just took a common relationship theme and built a song around it.

I actually thought about releasing it myself, but it seemed like such a great ballad for Bird Barrett, who was looking for a great ballad right then. _(Maddie laughs.)_ She actually heard Maren and me play it and she begged us to let her record it.

 _Dad always told me to speak my truth and I sure did on that song. I actually thought I was going to throw up when she asked me that question, but then I realized she just asked because I won a CMA for that one._

 _There was just no damn way I could sing that one. Still can't. I wrote it after that little thing with Colt. It hurt so bad to stand there at that party and watch him, watching her. I wanted him to pick me, but he didn't. The song kind of leaves it vague in the end, whether the guy holds her hand or not, which was my way of speaking my truth and not._

 _What Maren and I wrote was what was in my head that night. I remember that we had a songwriting session set up, but it was so unproductive. I couldn't get that little scene out of my head long enough to write something else. Finally she came and sat next to me and took my hand. "What's eatin' away at you, little one?" she asked, her face all screwed up like Mom's when she was worried about me._

 _I tried to smile. "Nothing," I said. "Just, you know, writer's block."_

" _You never had writer's block before, darlin'. I mean, you're your daddy's daughter and I don't think he passed down any writer's block to you."_

 _That's when I burst into tears and she just sat there and rubbed my back and made those soothing noises Mom always made, until finally I had calmed down enough to tell her what had happened. I remember saying to her, "I just thought to myself that it would have been a really good time for him to hold my hand and just let her know he'd moved on." I tried, and failed, to smile. "But he didn't." That turned into the chorus for the song._

 **Don't let this moment linger / Now would be a real good time / To reach out with your fingers / And get 'em tangled up with mine / Let her know for sure / That I'm more than just a soft place to land / This'd be a real good time to hold my hand**

 _The only time I ever managed to sing the song all the way through was the day we sang it for Bird. She actually made me laugh through my tears as she danced around the room, clapping her hands wildly, shouting out how much she wanted to do that song. So I let her._

 _I knew I could never sing it, but I wanted it to see the light of day. I was proud of that song, because it surely was my three chords and the truth._

 _ **I've seen some old video of your whole family on stage together, but it's been a while. Do you think the four of you will do that again someday?**_

Wow, I don't know. My parents are mostly retired from performing and Daphne's into musical theater, so I'm guessing the only time that might happen would be if we ever sang Christmas carols together at home or something. So, probably not.

 _The first time we ever sang together we weren't even a family. It was back when Mom was with Luke Wheeler and we had gone to Ft. Campbell to sing for the troops. Luke had been over in Afghanistan, I think, and the convoy he was in had gotten hit and he was all banged up. So it brought up all these feelings about the military and he and Mom decided to do a show for the troops._

 _Mom took us with her and told us we could sing on stage with her. She wanted to do the song 'A Life That's Good', which was sort of weird, since Dad had written it for her and she was basically ignoring him then. It wasn't as bad as it had been in the beginning and they had finally started talking to each other, mainly because of me, I guess. But it was still an odd choice, even though it was a song I loved._

 _She had told me that Dad wrote that song on a napkin the first time he heard her sing, at the Bluebird. So romantic! She said she fell in love with him right then and I think he fell in love with her at the same time. It seemed crazy to me that she didn't want to be with him then. I mean, I know, they'd been in that car accident and it completely weirded out their whole relationship for a long time. But they loved each other. It was so obvious. To everyone but them, it seemed like._

 _When she told us she wanted to sing that song, though, I asked her to invite Deacon up with us, since he was there. She didn't really want to do it, because Luke was there and all, but that was during my pouty teenage years. It hadn't been that long since my little video fiasco and everything came out about Dad being my dad. So I guess it was like the Band-Aid had been ripped off for her all over again._

 _I got my way, though – I think, back then, Mom was afraid I'd do something crazy again – and she invited Deacon up on stage. Luke looked pissed but he had to act like it wasn't a big deal. It was actually kind of funny, if I'm honest. That was really when I started trying to get my parents to see that they were meant for each other. Eventually it happened, of course, but it took a lot of patience to get to that point._

 _Dad came to the Opry the night Daphne and I made our Opry debut, and he played guitar on stage for us, and then he and Mom did one of their old songs. I was hoping we'd do something together, but he left. Of course the next day was when he and Mom got back together. But he also told us he had cancer and that kind of put a damper on a lot of stuff for a while._

 _We were supposed to sing together at a benefit Teddy had for the school music program, but they called about a liver for Dad, so we had to leave. Eventually, after Dad's surgery, we did all sing together once. But then Daphne stopped singing._

 _I think you don't always realize what a light someone is in your life until that light goes out. Daphne had always been bubbly and happy, but in those days she was not. She was sad and disappointed and hurt. I kept thinking things would get better, but they didn't, at least not right away. She spent a lot of time by herself. Dad and Mom had their own stuff they were dealing with then, so it kind of fell on me to be there for her and I failed miserably._

 _It wasn't really until Daphne decided to go to college that things really got any better. I think it sort of surprised all of us that she wanted to go to college, even though Daphne was wicked smart. I guess when she lost her way she decided to try something different. She only went to Belmont, so not far from home, but she lived on campus and she made new friends, and things finally started to change for my little sister. It still makes me sad, though, that in all these years, we've only sang together in public, as a family, twice. And it's been a lot of years since we sang together at all._

 _Not even Christmas carols at home._

" _ **Hold My Hand" is by Brandy Clark, who is an amazing singer and songwriter. She was in the round the very first time I went to the Bluebird and I was hooked then and there. If you haven't checked out her album "Twelve Stories", you should.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**So what's next on the horizon, after you finish this next tour?**_

I need to spend some time writing. So I might take a break and find a place that speaks to me and just spend some time writing. Then I'll think about an album. But you never know what's going to come up, so I'll just be open to the possibilities.

 _Writing really is what I love to do most. Taking an idea and turning it into a song, that then touches someone else's heart, is really what it's all about. I guess since I grew up around that, it's not surprising that it felt so comfortable to me. When Mom gave me that guitar, she told me that I should write down my feelings, and so that's what I did. I didn't realize how easily those musings could turn into real songs. But it was such a natural progression._

 _I have a writer friend, someone who writes actual novels, who told me once that one of the best things you can do as a writer is read as much as possible. Not just in your own genre, but a wide variety of genres. It helps to stretch your mind and your imagination and lets you imagine all the possibilities. You learn so much from looking at things through a different lens. So when I'm on a break and preparing to write or record, I try to do the same. I listen to all different kinds of music, not just country music – I make it a point to listen to jazz, blues, rock, pop, bluegrass, even hip hop. In fact, it was one night when I was at the Station Inn that I first heard Bird Barrett, singing bluegrass with her family. It wasn't long after that when she got discovered. Oh, and Mom still gives me grief that I didn't clue her in to how good Bird was. Clearly I didn't get the label head gene! LOL._

 _Anyway, I go to listening rooms around the country, I buy tickets to concerts, just try to soak in all these different influences. I love to listen to how someone puts a verse together or how they link it to a chorus or build a bridge. I love to hear the melody they create to support the words._

 _It's funny. Dad has probably had the most influence on me in terms of how I write a song. He was, of course, the one who really taught me the mechanics of songwriting, and he can always write a gorgeous song. But he doesn't really venture out into other genres. And he always gives me the oddest looks when I tell him I'm going to hear the latest pop sensation or boy band. He has no idea who they are, of course, but he just doesn't process music that way. As much as we are alike, we are also different, and I think we both appreciate those differences._

 _So, in my writing journal, I also keep a list of places I want to go, festivals I want to attend, and shows to go to. My assistant, bless her heart, takes all that and gets everything set up for me. Then all I have to do is go and soak it all in. I can't wait to see what she's put together for me this time!_

 _ **So, Maddie, are you country royalty or just a down-to-earth girl?**_

 _(Maddie laughs.)_ I think it would be really presumptuous of me to say I'm country royalty, don't you? So, I think I'm pretty down-to-earth. My parents make sure I don't feel like I'm anything other than that. They keep me really grounded and I think that's a good thing.

I just try to work hard and get better at my craft, every day. I don't take anything for granted. Every bit of success I have could be taken away from me in a heartbeat. I've certainly seen it happen to others. I know where I want to go.

There's a song I love called 'Anywhere From Here' that starts off (Maddie sings) _I wanna fly like birds in motion / I wanna dance like leaves in a tree / I wanna roll like waves on the ocean / So many places I wanna see_ And I see my life like that. _So many rules are made to be broken / So many fences I wanna climb / So many doors that I wanna open / No sense in waiting, now is the time_

I just want to make my own way. I appreciate the life I've had and the opportunities it's given me, but I'm not my Mom and I'm not my Dad. I'm just Maddie.

 _The whole country royalty thing bugs me. Juliette actually was the first one to say that to me, back right after I found out Deacon was my dad. It was kind of nice to have her say it, but it was a little embarrassing too. I really never did want to have something handed to me on a silver platter, although I did think Mom could have been more understanding of my desire to perform. It was why I thought really long and hard about signing with her, because I was really sensitive to that._

 _Mom didn't really talk to me much about what it was like for her, coming up in the business, until she really thought I was old enough to understand it. Which is why she didn't tell me all that when I was thirteen and bugging the crap out of her to let me get on stage. I remember, on my sixteenth birthday, we finally had a decent conversation about it. Since she got started at that age – actually a little younger – she thought she could finally explain what it had been like for her and what she was trying to help me avoid._

 _I didn't know until then that Papaw had kicked her out of the house because she wanted to play music. She told me she'd been scared to death, even though she knew she was meant to be an artist. She'd had no home, no money, nothing, at that moment. But she said she knew she wouldn't go crawling back to her father for help or tell him that she'd been wrong, just because she was scared. She decided to stand on her own and fight for what she wanted. I admire her a ton for that. And I appreciate that she didn't want me to go through that, not that she would have kicked me out, she was quick to tell me._

 _It had been important to her, though, that Daphne and I have as normal a life as possible. She knew that it would have been easy for us to get all caught up in the trappings of fame and fortune, if she'd let us, but she wanted us to have the normal childhood and teenage years that she hadn't had. Of course, she wasn't able to protect us from everything, and there was still TONS of drama that swirled around us._

 _I think, for the most part, she succeeded. She did let us do fun things, like go on tour with her and make our Opry debut and sing at the Bluebird. Stuff that "normal" kids didn't really do. And I appreciate, now more than ever, the way she handled those things._

 _I am very fortunate to have been born the daughter of Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne. They left a musical legacy for me that I was happy to take on, because I truly wanted that for myself. They gave great advice and helped me avoid some of the pitfalls that they went through when they were coming up. It doesn't mean I've never stumbled or that I do everything perfectly all the time, but I have tried to swallow my own pride long enough to listen to what they say and at least consider that they may know something I don't. But they also let me make my own mistakes and they don't make me feel bad when I do. They help me learn and I think that, more than anything, keeps me grounded and more down-to-earth than not._

 _I try never to take any of this for granted. I know that's how Mom and Dad have always been. They've always been grateful for whatever success they've had and they've always tried to live with integrity in everything they do. And if following in those footsteps means I'm country royalty, then I'll take on that mantle. But I really think it just means I was raised right, by people who loved me and worked hard to do just that. It wasn't all the way they'd planned, but I think it all worked out in the end._

The buzz on Maddie Claybourne is that she is, in fact, just what she appears to be. She's down-to-earth and approachable, grounded, and humble. For someone who's grown up in the spotlight, if not her own, at least that of the people who raised her, that's quite a feat. She has surely benefited from the wisdom of her parents, who have guided her every step of the way. And she's come by her success honestly, through hard work and never taking anything for granted.

But she _is_ also country royalty. She has the blood of one of the legendary female country artists as well as one of the premiere country songwriters running through her veins. It was probably inevitable that she would have all the talent she has and that she would be able to turn that into a very successful solo career.

Maddie's latest album is 'On Point' and has risen as high as #5 on the charts. She's currently headlining a tour with Bird Barrett and Charlotte McQueen.

* * *

I sat back and closed my eyes, letting everything flow over me. I thought the article was solid. They hadn't pulled anything out of a hat to really surprise me, no gossipy nuggets added after the fact. My answers were good. Enough information to keep them from probing, but not some of the really personal facts. I knew I'd read it a hundred times in the next few days. I also knew Mom and Dad would buy the magazine and take it to Mexico with them.

I felt that little niggle of anxiety when I thought about them reading the article. I had told Dad what was in it and he'd been fine. He had bristled up a bit when he found out they asked about Colt, but that was just that old protective dad thing, I think. Mom hadn't really wanted to talk about it, especially after she found out I'd left in the question on Juliette. So I most nervous about her reaction.

I expected they would be like me, reading the article multiple times, digesting it and coming up with lots of questions and comments. I wanted to know what they thought and I hoped they were happy with what I'd said.

I was so glad they were taking this trip. It had been a long time since they'd taken a real vacation, really gone off the grid for a while. Mom said that the place they were going was a little beach town on the west coast of Mexico, a place she and Dad had gone to long ago. They'd written 'Postcard from Mexico' there, so it had special meaning for them. When I asked her if they were staying in the same place, she had laughed until she nearly cried. _Oh, Lord, sweet girl, that place was probably a health hazard back then. But it was the only place we could afford. That was back when it was just your dad and me, on the road together, before I had a record deal. We were getting paid back in those days, but not a lot, because we were always playing these small places. It was just a long weekend, but it was heaven. Scratchy sheets and all._

I looked at the time and jumped up. I had five minutes to get to sound check. No more time to think about the article.

 _ **There's one more wrap up chapter and then I'll put this story to bed. I appreciate everyone who's read it and followed it, but would love to hear what you thought. Loved it? Hated it? Whatever's on your mind. Thanks.**_


	8. Chapter 8

I was getting nervous. The magazine had been out since the day before Mom and Dad left for Mexico. I knew they would have gotten it right away. And yet there was complete radio silence. I felt sick to my stomach and it was hard to concentrate on anything else. _They hate it. They're mad at me. Mom's furious._ All of those things were spinning in my head. I tried to tell myself they were just all wrapped up in their much needed vacation, but I couldn't help but feel this sense of doom.

And then finally, three days after the article came out, I heard from Dad. _Hope you felt good about the story. I was proud of you._ I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that. It always meant a lot to me to make him proud. I know it was hard for him, getting a teenage daughter, with all the craziness that goes along with that, but it all worked out. He was always so honest with me, even when I know it was painful for him, and I always appreciated that he was straight with me.

It was the fourth day when I finally heard from Mom. _The article was better than I thought it would be._ I wasn't sure what that meant. It was oddly unemotional, like she'd put it in one of her little boxes. I started to send a response, but changed my mind. It would be better to talk about it in person when she got to Chicago. And, knowing Mom, she'd read it at least ten more times before then and she'd have a full critique. That was always her way. She trusted me, though. She'd told me that more than once. She'd told me that specifically when I did this article, even when I told her I was keeping the Juliette question.

And then that was it. Nothing else. Which seemed kind of odd. But I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on it, since I had the final week of my tour ahead and Daphne was with me. I also hoped that meant they were having a very relaxing and much needed vacation.

* * *

It was the last night of the tour. Dad and Mom made it just before I was due to go out on stage. I didn't have much time to talk to them, but I did have the sense they weren't as relaxed as they should have been, coming off a week in Mexico. But their flight had been late arriving in Chicago, so I chalked it up to the stress of running late. There was so much that ran through my head as I got ready to go out on stage and I didn't want to disrupt my routine, so I tried to stay focused on that and put any concerns aside.

Mom showed up first. She hugged Daphne and then she hugged me. "I'm glad we made it in time," she said, smiling at us. Bird was finishing her set and then there would be a short break while the roadies reset for me. Mom focused her attention on Bird, then looked back at me. "She's quite good," she said. "Who's she signed with again?"

I made a face. Always the label head. "Big Machine." I looked around. "Where's Dad?"

Mom looked a little distracted. "Making a call." Then she focused on me. "I didn't remember seeing a question about Colt Wheeler on the list," she said, a statement rather than a question.

I shrugged. "It wasn't. I think they were just trying to see if there was any connection between us and the Wheelers."

Mom's mouth made a thin line. "Makes me think they kept something in reserve. Oh, well, it wasn't a big deal." She smiled then. "I thought it was positive overall. You sounded so thoughtful." She squeezed my hand. "I know your dad was really touched by the sweet things you said about him."

I smiled at her. "It wasn't hard."

She rubbed my arm. "He's so proud of you. And I am too." She turned to Daphne and grabbed her hand. "We're so proud of _you_ , landing the lead in your school play. Again." She grinned broadly.

Daphne took a deep breath and then let it out. "I had some really good competition. I had to really step up my game."

Mom laughed. "Well, clearly you did. We can't wait to see it."

I grabbed Mom's arm and she turned to look at me. "Will you and Dad come out and sing a number?" I asked.

Mom shook her head and smiled wearily. "Not this time, sweetie. It's been kind of a hectic day and my throat's a little scratchy." She reached out and ran her thumb over my cheek. "Thanks for asking us though. We can't wait to see your show." She wrapped her arm around Daphne. "And I'm so glad to have my other girl here too. A real family gathering."

Dad walked up then and put his hands on Mom's shoulders, rubbing them lightly. "I think we need to let Maddie get out there," he said. Mom looked back at him with a smile. There was a look in his eyes, as he looked at her, that I couldn't figure out, but then it was gone, as he focused on me. "Bring it home, baby girl," he said to me, with a grin.

* * *

I cut short my time at the after party. I could see that Mom and Dad were tired and, quite honestly, I was too. They had gotten a reservation at the same hotel where I was staying, a two-bedroom suite so that Daphne could stay with them if she wanted. They were all sitting together on one of the couches and I walked over to them. "You ready?" I asked.

They all stood up and Mom put her arms around Daphne and me. "Why don't we all go to our room," she said. She looked at me. "You were so amazing. Your dad and I are so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, smiling at her. She had a tired look around her eyes. Dad did too. It was late and neither of them stayed up this late these days, plus they'd been flying most of the day, so of course they'd be tired. But something felt a little off and a quiver of anxiety ran up my back. I made myself shake it off as we all rode up in the elevator and Mom chattered happily. Dad kept his arm around her. _It's nothing. I'm imagining it._

When we got to the suite, Mom kicked off her shoes and sat on the couch. Dad sat down next to her and she curled into his side. Daphne and I were getting drinks from the minibar, but I kept my eyes on them. I watched as Dad lifted his hand and run it through Mom's hair, kissing her on the side of her head. There was a gentleness and a protectiveness I hadn't seen in a while. A lightning bolt of clarity ran through me then and I walked over to stand in front of them. They looked up at me. "No," I whispered, shaking my head.

Daphne looked at me and frowned. "What is it?" she asked.

Mom looked away. "Mom, please," I begged, my voice quivering.

Mom looked back at me, her eyes filled with sadness, then looked over at Daphne. She sat forward and held her hands out. "Come here," she said. Daphne and I both sat on the coffee table and we each took one of Mom's outstretched hands. Dad leaned forward, rubbing her back, his eyes filled with pain. Mom gave us a tiny smile. "The cancer's back," she said, with a little nod.

"No," Daphne moaned.

 _This can't be happening. Not again._ I swallowed over the huge lump in my throat. "I don't understand," I said. "I thought it was done." Dad reached for my other hand and rubbed his thumb over it gently. I looked at him, then back at Mom. "This wasn't supposed to happen. It's been more than five years." I felt like I was whining.

"I don't want you to be sick again," Daphne said, her voice quavering and tears filling her eyes.

Dad took a deep breath. "It's gonna be okay," he said. "Just like last time."

Daphne wrapped her arms around her waist and bent forward. I dropped my parents' hands and scooched over to put my arms around my sister. I leaned in and rested my head against Daphne's, trying to hold back my own tears. We rocked against each other. "I'm here, Daph," I whispered. "I'm here." I couldn't let her go through the same pain she went through the last time. I _wasn't_ going to let her do that.

Dad got up and walked around the table to sit behind us, putting his arms around us both. "Don't go away from us this time, baby girl," he murmured into Daphne's ear. "We're _all_ here this time."

Mom leaned forward, putting a hand on my knee and the other on Daphne's. "This isn't going to be like the last time. I promise."

Dad smoothed Daphne's hair back from her face. "You know, when I married your mama, I took you in too. You're as much mine as Maddie is."

Daphne nodded, but her head was still bent down. "I knew that," she said, her voice small. She looked up then and tears were streaking down her face as she looked at Mom. "But Maddie's right, this was supposed to be over. This isn't supposed to be happening."

Mom nodded. "I know. It's why you always have to be diligent and keep on top of it. Keep getting checked." She looked at Daphne, then back at me. "It's why the two of you need to be sure to get checked."

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. "When did you find out?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Mom smiled sadly. "The day before we left for Mexico. Which, actually, was probably a good time." She looked at Dad. "We had that time to talk about it and decide what to do."

Now I understood the weird email. I thought back to the first time and how much more difficult it had been for them to find the time to just deal with her cancer. Even though this was awful news, the positive was that they could focus a hundred percent on it this time. It's funny, I always thought of Mom as being the strongest one of us all, but I think it's really because she's figured out how to push things down and just push forward. I knew that, while they were in Mexico, Dad was the one that was strong, helping her manage all of this.

"You know, we're gonna beat this," Dad said.

Mom looked at him and nodded. Then she looked back at us. "It's very small. Like last time. But I'm going to do chemo this time, just to be sure we knock it out completely."

"Oh, Mom," Daphne moaned. "You'll lose your pretty hair."

Mom stared at her a moment and then she smiled. "Yeah, I will, I guess. But it'll grow back." She grabbed Daphne's hands in hers and clung to them tightly. "But that's the worst thing that will happen. And you can go with me to pick out a wig. Or maybe I'll just wear a scarf or a turban." She winked at both of us. "What do you think about that?"

"I think your mom is going to rock the bald head, don't you?" Dad said, and Mom laughed. An almost giddy laugh, as she looked at Dad with eyes that were filled with love for him. I knew he would take good care of her. And that she would be okay.

* * *

Daphne and I both stayed in the other bedroom in Mom and Dad's suite. It just seemed like we should all be together, after Mom's news. It didn't seem fair, though, that Mom had to go through this again. She'd found out she had breast cancer the first time in the middle of everything with Juliette. Dad was finally feeling mostly back to normal then, after his transplant, but she'd been wrapped up in taking care of him. And then there was everything that was going on with Teddy's arrest and then him going to prison.

When she came home from the doctor and told us about the cancer, she looked like she had every other time that circumstances were overwhelming. She put it all in a box and told everyone she was fine, even though we all knew she was a long way from fine. I remember that after the biopsy, the surgeon told Mom she'd gotten it all, but she still did radiation just to be sure.

No one knew about it, except us. And Bucky, so he could cover for her when he had to. It was then that I watched how carefully Dad took care of Mom, even though it hadn't been that long since he'd recovered himself. He kept her calm through everything that was going on, making sure she was okay. They would go to the cabin on weekends, just the two of them, and when they came back, she always seemed happier and more relaxed. I had watched her take care of him and now, seeing him do the same, I realized just how very much they loved each other. How much they truly relied on each other.

And now, no matter what they said or how reassuring they tried to be, I was still scared. I'd come so close to losing Dad. I couldn't lose Mom. _We_ couldn't lose Mom.

* * *

 _ **One Year Later**_

I was so glad that this leg of the tour was over. We were all gathering at the cabin for a family weekend. Daphne had the last of her final exams, so she was coming later. I didn't want to wait, so I headed out just after lunch. It was almost an hour and a half drive to the place that had been such a special place for my parents. Mom told me a few years ago that I had been conceived there. It was a funny conversation, because, even after I was an adult, she still got all squeamish talking about that kind of thing. It was so funny watching her blush and stammer. I can't remember anymore why or how it came up, but it had been a really nice moment for us. I also knew it was where they rekindled their relationship, finally. So a very special place.

Once I'd left my condo in The Gulch and headed out of Nashville proper on highway 65, the landscape quickly became rural, conducive to introspective thinking. It was an easy drive, not much traffic thankfully. It gave me time to decompress and put all the hecticness of the tour behind me for a little while. I wished Daphne had ridden with me, but at the same time it was nice to be alone. I wasn't like Mom, feeding off the energy of a crowd of people. I needed solitude, time to pull in and just be still. It was one of the many ways I was like Dad, something I didn't understand about myself until I knew he was my father.

Mom had started her chemo a couple weeks after she told us about the recurrence. This time was different from the first and we all pulled together to support her and each other. Daphne was her chemo buddy, going to every session with Mom, and I think that helped her deal with not only what was happening now, but what had happened before. She felt included, even though it had never been anyone's intent to have her feel otherwise before.

I was thankful that it had happened after my tour ended. I was able to be there, while I spent time writing and then recording. Dad and I wrote a lot together then, songs about how we were feeling then. Most of those songs will never see the light of day, because they were so intensely personal, but it was so helpful to put it all out there. Even though we talked about how confident we were, cancer is a terrible thing. Death had already stared us in the face with Dad's cancer. It was shocking to realize just how close we came to losing him. If Aunt Bev hadn't come through for him, he probably wouldn't have made it. Mom's cancer didn't seem as dire, but it was scary all the same. It reminded me how fragile life is and how you have to seize your opportunities in the moment, because you never know when you might not have that chance.

I saw again how my mom and dad were connected to each other. Mom and I did a spa day, just us, in the middle of her treatment, and she really opened up to me then about their feelings for one another. It was both comforting and heartbreaking to hear about their struggle, to love each other, to try not to, to respect space and distance, and ultimately not be able to deny what they'd known from that first meeting at the Bluebird, when she was sixteen and he was nineteen. _We're connected at the soul, Maddie. I've said this so many times, but Deacon and the music were the same for me and all of that was tied up in the love I've had for that man since the moment I laid eyes on him. The pain and heartache of all those years when he struggled to get sober and I struggled to keep him safe and all the times we hurt each other then, it was really nothing compared to the pain and heartache of denying him. The moment I finally let all that go and he let all that go, it was like none of it had ever happened. I'm sorry I waited that long and I'm sorry I put us both through all that pain, but he was always my future. I always knew that._

I love my parents with all my heart and nothing made me happier than when they finally figured out how to be together. I know not many people have parents that are so intertwined. It literally makes me cry to know I came from that.

* * *

It had been six months since Mom finished chemo. She had been right, that the worst of it was when she'd lost her hair. She had been really brave about it until it started coming out in clumps and then she knew she needed to shave it off. She cried so hard that day. Dad held her for the longest time, just letting her grieve.

He was right, though – she did rock the bald head. But she only let us see that. This time she didn't hide the fact that she had cancer, but she wasn't comfortable not covering her head. She wore beautiful scarves, deciding that a wig was too much. Her hair hadn't really started to come in much when I had to leave to go on tour. I had wanted to postpone it, but, in true label head fashion, she wouldn't hear of it. She went from being Mom to being my boss and she sternly told me that I absolutely would not postpone my tour.

She had just had her second PET scan, post-chemo, and we were all anxious to hear whether she was still cancer-free. That was what this family weekend was all about, hopefully celebrating a clean scan.

I pulled up to the cabin. Dad was fishing off the dock. Usually I would have gone to see him first, but I wanted to see Mom. He raised his hand in a wave and I waved back, hurrying across the porch to open the door. "Mom!" I called out as I ran in.

"Hey, sweet girl," I heard her respond. I turned to see her coming out of the bedroom. She pulled at her hair, now covering her head in a short, curly bob. "It's growing back," she said, blushing just a little.

I walked over to her and she opened her arms and pulled me in. I found myself crying on her shoulder, as she made soothing noises and rubbed my back. I pulled back and looked at her, searching for any hint she wasn't okay. "How do you feel?"

She grinned. "Better than ever. My appetite is back. My hair's coming back." She grabbed my hand. "I'm good. I promise."

"Cancer free?" I asked, my voice just above a whisper.

She nodded. "Cancer free."

I threw my arms around her again and hugged her tight. She didn't feel as thin as I remembered from the last time I'd seen her. "You do look better," I said, when I let her go. She did – she looked healthy, more like herself.

"Your dad is taking very good care of me," she said, with a smile. "He hovers."

"I do not hover," Dad said from the door. We turned and laughed at the scowl on his face. "I take care."

Mom walked over to him and put her arms around his waist. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in. She looked at me. "He does," she said. "He's been right there every second. I don't know what I'd have done without him." She bit her lip, then looked up at him. He looked down at her, then kissed her on the forehead.

There it was again. Ever since they'd gotten back together, ten years ago, I realized that I was witnessing something very rare. It was something I hoped to have one day, that one true love that lasted a lifetime. They had been there for each other through some of the toughest times imaginable and yet they still stood strong together.

I know it was probably weird, since they were my parents, but I always loved seeing them together. The happiest Mom ever has been was when she was with Dad. Even when she was married to Teddy, their relationship was always close, easy. But when they were finally able to be together together, well, it was actually magic. I knew Dad always loved Mom, because he told me he did, and he told me he always would. I knew, in my heart, Mom always loved Dad too, but for a long time she wouldn't let herself live in that. I was glad when that all finally changed and, watching them now, I knew that neither of them would ever probably have survived all they went through if they hadn't had each other.

I smiled. _I have amazing parents._

* * *

That night, after dinner, we were sitting outside on the porch. Dad and I both had our guitars, as usual, and we alternated picking out tunes. I played a few of my new ones. The sun was setting and there was a light breeze off the lake. I didn't think it could be a more perfect evening. And then Daphne said, "Can we all sing 'A Life That's Good'?"

We all looked at her. I felt my heart nearly burst. I could only imagine what Mom and Dad were thinking. Mom reached out and took her hand. "Of course we can," she said quietly. "I think that would be the perfect song for us to sing together." I know I saw tears in her eyes.

Dad looked at me and we started to play. Mom kept holding Daphne's hand. Mom started the song, and Daphne and I joined in, with Dad harmonizing.

 _Sittin' here tonight / By the fire light / It reminds me I already have more than I should / I don't need fame / No one to know my name / At the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

 _Two arms around me, heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there, enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song / At the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

* * *

 _Sometimes I'm hard on me / When dreams don't come easy / I wanna look back and say, I did all that I could / Yeah at the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

 _Two arms around me, heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there, enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song / At the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

 _At the end of the day, Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

I looked out over the appreciative crowd at the Bluebird, then looked to my right at the family I loved so much. Dad, the man who had taught me everything about love and forgiveness and loyalty. Mom, the fierce lioness who believed in true love and family most of all. And Daphne, who finally was back to being the happy, bubbly little sister I remembered from so many years ago.

We'd been through so much, together and separately, but we were a family. Maybe we _were_ country royalty. All I knew was that these were the people that I loved most in the world and I was so grateful we'd come to this place, both literally and figuratively, on this night.

Yes, we definitely did have a life that's good.

 **THE END**


End file.
